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Final Furlong: March 30, 2013

Why am I in this handbasket and where are we going?Another week, another batch of goodies in the furlong.  You almost wish finding these stories would take a little longer, but they’re surprisingly abundant.  Here we go…

-boxer Adrien Broner held an auction this weekend.  Aww, isn’t that cute?  Well, it didn’t exactly benefit a charity…just Broner.  He was at the DMV this weekend and ended up paying $200 dollars to a woman to move up 9 spots towards the front of the line.  Good for him.  After spending time at the DMV last week, I would have paid to get out of their sooner too.

-This happened for Chris Bosh’s birthday.

-James Harden is apparently paying 600K to a young woman to be his girlfriend.  It’s almost the antithesis of the Manti T’eo story.  I mean, they know what’s going on and if he wants to spend the money, good for him.  Not a smart investment, but this is the NBA.  That comes with the territory.  Cheaper than a real girlfriend in the end (see what I did there?  Yes, I’m bitter and divorced.  Thanks for asking)

-I’m not anti-tattoo.  I’ve got a couple myself.  But you should never ever ever ever EVER get a name tattooed on you.  I guess you can do your kids, but a name is a bad idea.  A young woman got Ronda Rousey’s autograph tattooed on her ankle.  I get she’s a fan and Rousey has changed Women’s UFC forever, but this is extreme and dumb.  I hope she becomes a fan of another fighter and has to figure out how to change the tattoo.

-Connor Barwin took out an unusual ad to thank, well, everyone for their support of him as a Houston Texan.  That included thanking Blaine Gabbert, former Tiger and current Jacksonville Jaguar.  When asked why, Barwin said it was because he’d sacked Gabbert the most.  Ah, how the mighty have fallen.  Hopefully, it gets better for Gabbert soon.  Playing for the Jags has turned him into a punchline.

-Finally, every obituary should be as awesome as the one given for Tim Hopkins of Memphis, TN.

“Timothy Wayne “Tim” Hopkins, 54, went to be with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and Dale Earnhardt to contribute his building and painting expertise to the constructing of many heavenly mansions on Saturday, March 23, 2013, in Memphis.”

Pretty hard to argue that.  After all, Jesus doesn’t handle in the curves quite like the Intimidator.

Join me again next week for the Final Furlong on The Sports Wire, on ESPN 100.5 and total sports station 103.1 KTGR.

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