Breaking News

Final Furlong: January 5, 2013

We’re back with the New Year and you’d think people would wait a few weeks to get involved in this goofiness.  Turns out we got our hopes up for another year.One week.  Heck, 5 days.  That’s how long it took to give you a general idea of how this year’s going to go.  There’s an ugly underside to sports that’s too frightening or too funny not to expose.  Let’s take a look.

-Has anything gone right for Maurice Clarett since leaving Ohio State?  He’s had a drug issue, been arrested, become a punchline.  Funny I use “punch” line because his girlfriend allegedly punched him in the face and bit him on the wrist and chest.  Now they’re looking for her to arrest her for beating him up.  Yup, it’s good to be Mo Clarett.

-I could start and end each week with “Jose Canseco said” and it’d make the whole bit funny.  Now, he’s trying to go the way of Jesse “The Body” Ventura and get into politics.  He wants to become the mayor of Toronto.  You read that right.  If you don’t follow him on Twitter, you need to go follow him: @JoseCanseco.  He laid out a plan of action and everything.  Now, he just needs to work on actually being a Canadian citizen.  Also, you should be rooting for this on pure comic value alone.

-The Adirondack Phantoms just won the jersey contest.  Maybe forever.  If you ever go Tuxedo Jersey, you’re automatically in the discussion.  And go there they did.

Absolutely brilliant.  Well done Phantoms, well done.

-Rex Ryan has a tattoo of his wife wearing only a Mark Sanchez jersey.  Because of course he does.  I give Ryan credit for it being a cartoon image of his wife.  Most guys wouldn’t show that kind of public display.  It’s the Sanchez jersey that makes this creepy, but it could explain why he refused to bench the Sanchize this season.

-We all hate when a pet dies.  Gary Wayne Ericcson probably took it harder than most.  He had his pet snake (stay with me) for 17 years and it was a hard loss.  So rather than bury him (don’t want other animals eating a dead snake), he shot at the snake (to release the gas…yeah, I know…) and was apparently still distraught.  So he turned the gun on his Dale Earnhardt collection.  I don’t even have a joke for this one.  It kind of writes itself.  He’s now due in court on a variety of charges and Ericcson plans to bring evidence that he’s not crazy.  And I mean, when your pet dies, who WOULDN’T shoot up a memorabilia collection.

-Look at the title picture.  That’s Mo Farah.  He’s a great distance runner.  He won two gold medals.  He’s the subject of one of the greatest Tumblr accounts ever.  Apparently, no one told the US Border Patrol and US Customs who detained Farah on suspicion of being a terrorist.  He’s of Somalian decent, but c’mon.  No dude who makes THAT face is harmful.  He even had both gold medals with him and they STILL detained him.  Sometimes, you really gotta let it go.  US Customs should be interested to know that Farah, when not racing for Great Britan (his father is English), lives full time in Portland, Oregon.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.