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Final Furlong: January 19, 2013

Another week, another batch of stories that make you wonder where the de-evolution of the human race began.Seriously, this has to stop at some point, right?  At some point, common sense will make its return to the sports world.  It’s getting goofy at this point, but since it’s probably not going to change any time soon, we should dive right in.

-The lawsuit against Slugger, the Royals mascot, is back on.  He allegedly hit a guy (John Coomer) in the face with a hot dog.  I’m sorry he got hurt, but how do you not laugh about this story?  How do you take this seriously?  I’d just give him season tickets for a decade and be done with it.  But make sure they’re close so he can see.  Oh, and out of hot dog range.

-Michael Beasley had a whale of a year at Kansas State.  He’s actually a really good player.  He also appears to have a love of the weed (he got busted smoking AT THE NBA ROOKIE SYMPOSIUM) .  A few weeks back, he said he’d sit in a trash can to help the Suns win.  Now, he’s blaming gremlins for his poor free throw shooting.  At this point, wouldn’t you kind of believe anything from Beasley?  I hope he never changes.

-Speaking of never changing…Dear Darnell Dockett: never, ever change.  The same man that once tweeted, publicly, his phone number to Katherine Webb (offering a trip to Wing Zone and King of Diamonds strip club), has reached out to Manti Te’o.  His actual tweet?

I’m convinced Dockett has a side job working for King of Diamonds, but considering how the Cardinals defense played this year, maybe it’s a good career choice for him.

-Kevin Durant has played with a mean streak this year.  It’s one of the few things his game was missing and it’s made him better.  Uh-Oh, someone doesn’t like it.

When Grandma speaks…you listen.  I accidently swore in front of my grandmother once and she hit me in the back of my leg with her cane.  That’ll teach you quick.

-I love the excitement of it from the Florence Freedom of the Frontier League.  There’s nothing better than a good Minor League Baseball promotion.  They’re going to have Manti Te’o Girlfriend Bobblehead Night.  They’ll give away empty boxes to the first 1000 fans who come to their game on May 23.  They’ll also have a section for people to sit with their imaginary friends, girlfriend/boyfriends, and spouses.  Will the story be relevant in 4 months?  no.  Do I love the idea of it?  Absolutely.

-If you’re going to steal a car (DON’T STEAL CARS),  you might want to at least steal one that makes you look cool.  Try a Mustang or a Viper (DON’T STEAL CARS), something like that.  Just something cool.  No one told Florida freshman OL Jessaman Dunker this information.  He’s in jail for grand theft auto (SERIOUS CHARGE.  IT’S A FELONY.  DON’T STEAL CARS) for stealing a moped.  I’m almost thinking you deserve a night in jail for stealing a moped.  Seriously, how uncool is that?  His life is probably over (as far as his playing career) over a moped.  It’s not only sad, it’s hilarious.

Who knows what next week holds, but I’m sure you’ll hear about it in the Final Furlong.  You can check it out here on but hear it first on The Sports Wire every Saturday Morning from 8-10am on ESPN 100.5 and Total Sports Station 103.1 KTGR.

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