Final Furlong: January 12, 2013
Another week in the books and another week of people making fools of themselves. This week, we go from the sad, to the disturbing, to the hilarious, and back. By this time of my life, you’d think I’d know better than to expect more. Well, until I can’t find stories for the Final Furlong, we’re going to keep having a lot of fun at the end of every show.
-From the “No one is surprised” file, former MLB player Milton Bradley was charged Friday with domestic abuse against his wife (the two are estranged). If convicted on the 13 charges (Holy….13 charges?), he could face 13 years in prison. This comes after a November 2012 report that Bradley allegedly tried to choke her, and swung a bat at her in 2011, and threatened to kill her in 2011. He had serious meltdowns in Seattle, Chicago, Oakland, Texas, and pretty much every where he went. It’s a sad but not shocking report to read.
-Maybe the funniest trash talk ever by Kevin Garnett, a man who once told Charlie Villenueva he looked like a cancer patient, when he riled Carmelo Anthony up this week. According to multiple reports, Garnett told Anthony his wife LaLa tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios. Wives and kids should be kept out of trash talk….except when it’s this funny. I can’t get mad when it’s this good.
-From the “so disturbing I don’t want to touch it” files: If you have no soul and have money to burn, why not head to Taiwan. Once you’re there, you can happily bet on when terminally ill patients will die. I’m not sure I want to know more, but apparently before setting the line (not making this up), they’ll meet relatives of the dying patient. Then, the person placing the bet can check on their condition before actually placing it. Did I mention some of the people betting are family of the dying patients and even their doctors? I need a shower.
-Golfer Brian Acker had his iPhone stolen by a raccoon. He brought his phone on the course with him and while on the second hole, the bespectacled varmit yanked his phone. Apparently the animal’s name is Rocky and he’s known as the club kleptomaniac. Thanks to a GPS ap on his phone (of course there’s an ap for that), the phone was recovered in a tree, 12 feet up in the air. I’m amazed it wasn’t against course rules to leave the phone in the car or something. He’s probably been banned from the course forever.
-Finally, from the “Of course…” files. The World Cup in 2014 is in Brazil (and the Olympics in 2016). Prostitution is legal (of course it is) and hey, a girl’s got to eat. But there aren’t nearly as many people who speak Portuguese as you may think, so how do you possibly reconcile the situation? You learn to speak English. That’s exactly what Brazilian prostitutes are doing. Because of course it is.
Next week, anyone could guess what might happen…
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