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Final Furlong: December 15, 2012

After the last 48 hours, we all need stories that make us smile.Leave it to the sports world to be the perfect distraction in the wake of tragedy.

-49ers QB Colin Kaepernick has a giant pet tortoise.  He named the reptile Sammy and when Kaepernick got him, he fit in his hands.  Not so much anymore.

Good lord look at the size of that thing.  But, the two seem to love each other and Sammy will outlive Colin, so there’s that.

-From the “What took them so long?” department: Drug dealers are now using t-shirt guns to launch drugs over the US/Mexico border.  Seriously.  Instead of cramming it into the posterior of animals and humans, they’re getting big air now.  Not gonna lie, I’d pay to see this.


Watch that video for the dropkick alone.  And yes, I said dropkick.

-The Palmer Coolum Resort has hosted the Australian PGA Championship for a decade.  Well, after owner Clive Palmer put up a 26 foot animatronic Tyrannosaurus Rex between the 9th and 10th holes, they won’t be held there anymore.  If I’m Palmer, don’t I go full on and have it roaring and moving as much as possible.  HOW’S YOUR CONCENTRATION NOW RICKIE FOWLER?!?!

-Nebraska recruit Marcus McWilson (and yes, he sounds like he’s a McDonalds character) admitted to USA Today that he has to listen to Justin Bieber’s “Baby” before games.  Now, I’m all for admitting who you are, good bad or otherwise, but even this one I cringe at.  PLUS he’s going to Nebraska?  How do you NOT laugh at this whole story.  Now, what USA Today is doing interviewing a HS player is a different matter.  But let’s just chalk that one up to AMATEUR ATHLETICS!!

Hopefully, that’s a nice comic distraction for you.  We’ll have lots more next week to fill your head with the pointless sports stories you need to know about.

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